Perfectionism in Progress: Halfway Through My First Semester

I’ve always struggled with needing everything to go my way.

I’ll recheck my assignments five times before submitting them, just to make sure nothing’s missing. I’ll wake up at 2 a.m. to double-check that I finished everything I was supposed to. I’ll replay questions I got wrong in my head and quietly berate myself for them, even when they don’t matter anymore. When I see a 98% for my grade, I don't see a 98%; I see that I got 2% wrong.

It’s not that I’m afraid of failure. It’s that I crave control, and in nursing school, there’s none.

There are days when no amount of preparation feels enough, when lectures blur together and you have to trust that your effort is the best you can do. Nursing school stretches you, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It forces you to face your limits, and sometimes, to sit in them.

I’m learning that perfection doesn’t exist in a profession built on humanity and humility. There’s no perfect exam, no perfect skill check-off, no perfect nurse. There are only people trying: trying to care, to learn, to grow. Reality is humbling me, and I’m realizing there’s no perfect way to serve others, only a genuine one.

I want to be a lifelong learner. I want to be the best that I can be for my future patients; that’s what keeps me motivated. But I’m learning that this is preparation. Every class, every lab, every mistake is shaping not just what I know, but who I’m becoming.

So I’ve been shifting my mindset from “How can I get it perfect?” to “How can I keep learning?”

I’m still ambitious. I still love the thrill of understanding a new concept, of applying what I’ve learned in lab, of imagining the kind of nurse I’ll become. But I’m also learning to let go: to breathe, to rest, to trust that mistakes are part of mastery.

Halfway through my first semester, I’m realizing that this season isn’t about proving myself, it’s about preparing myself. And maybe, being a good nurse starts with learning how to be gentle with yourself.

P.S. I am absolutely loving it here :)